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Friendship is a complex subject. We all have different experiences when it comes to making, finding, keeping, and breaking friendships. A single person’s experience with friendship in their entire life is unique to them and them only. It is difficult to define what is a true friend and what is not because we each have our own expectations that we craft from our own story. For me, a friend is someone who I have a mutual relationship with based on similar interests or thoughts with whom I can share some of life’s sweet and challenging experiences.
Throughout my life, I have had my own fair share of amazing and toxic friends. There are very few friends from my childhood that I am still in touch with and that is either due to moving across countries, drama or just time drifting us apart. For me, I always make sure to close off each friendship with a positive mindset. If it was a toxic friendship, I am learning something to take into account into the future or if it was just time that caused a drift, I am grateful for the memories I did make with those friends. Friends are hard to find and even harder to keep so I don't want to take any friendship for granted.
Now for me, what is a “friend”? I just look for someone who I can relate to , understands my personality, and can support me but also call me out on my mistakes and have meaningful conversations and life-long memories with. I think what I want is really basic but it's once the friendship starts that I really get to know if the person is for me. I am not very good at reading people after just one interaction. It takes me a while to understand someone’s personality and see if they are right for me. At the end of the day, I just don't want someone to use me. I have definitely had friendships where I have been in that position, but as time has passed, I have learned to tread the waters more carefully.
It is hard to find friendships because you never know anyone’s intentions , and in the world of social media, it has become even harder to find friends. Scrolling through social media can give anyone major FOMO (fear of missing out ) or makes them feel lonely or sometimes, jealous. I have been there and felt that. It is not easy to make friends at any time and some people are better at it than others. I am an introvert and don’t spark conversations in a group of unknown people easily. Making friends is no easy feat that happens with a stroke of a wand. It takes time, effort and sometimes, luck-to meet the right person at the right time. It took me about 4 years to find a friend group who loves me for me and who are true friends. In those 4 years, I made and broke several friendships. Trust me, you will eventually find your people.
Here are a few of my tips to you that helped me in my friendships and hopefully help you too:
Find people with similar interests. Whether this be online by joining a fandom or chat, or in person in your school, college or workplace. Usually, people with similar interests have a higher chance of being friends with you because you both have a starting point of discussion: one interest. Use that interest to interact with multiple people and go from there.
Don’t have high expectations. In friendships, sometimes having high expectations can hinder you from forming friends. People can’t check every box for you and you have to be able to adjust a bit. Of course, still have some baseline morals of what you expect to see in a friendship and make that clear; however, keep in mind that not everyone is perfect and to adjust.
Toxic friends are not worth it. Sometimes you will find a friend who can keep you happy for the sake of “having a friend” but can be the most toxic person. When I switched schools and didn't have any friends, I tagged along with the first few people I met. While I did have “friends” most of them were toxic, and I realized that by drifting away from them and keeping to myself made me much happier than stuck in a toxic situation. Being alone is okay because you will eventually find someone. Sometimes being alone and content with yourself is much better than being stuck in a constant toxic and mentally troubling situation.
Be yourself and a good person. Yes this is cheesy but remember people become friends with you for you. When meeting someone you don’t need to show all of you, but you should not be showing a facade either. Remember, most people value genuine traits and I am sure you do too. So you should be genuine to find people. It is hard and sometimes putting a mask is easier in the short term. However, it can hinder a long term. So be a good person. I know this is easier said than done and it takes time, but you will now when the time is right.
Friendships are a joyful yet challenging part of life. The people you bring into your life can change you as a [person and teach you lessons. Friendship is about that shared connection of genuine, purity and goodness. It is hard to find but eventually, you will.